Slayers Fairy Tale Arc: The Gingerbread Gourry
by Chibi Washuu
Summary: This is the first of what will be several little fairy tales (hopefully!). Based on the story of "The Gingerbread Man"


Ok, this is basically just a little comedic twist on the classic "Gingerbread Man" story. Lilting Tune receives half credit for certain lines and other input without which this would not be what it is.

Lilting Tune and ~Chibi Washuu present:

The Slayers Fairy Tale Arc

Story One: "The Gingerbread Gourry"

Lina Inverse followed her nose to the kitchen, where her gingerbread cookies were baking. She opened the oven apprehensively and peeked in. While she loved food, she wasn't spectacular at fixing it. The cookies, however, looked perfect. Especially her single gingerbread man. It was a gingerbread soldier, complete with a tiny gingerbread sword. Her gingerbread Gourry with his own gingerbread Sword of Light.

She smiled as she pulled the tray of cookies out and set them on top of the stove. The scent of gingerbread filled the kitchen air. Lina gave a cat-like smile before turning a very hungry glance at the unsuspecting gingerbread man. "Now then, Gourry…"

"What is it, Lina?"

"AH!" Lina whirled around, prepared to fireball the swordsman for sneaking up behind her and scaring her. But he wasn't there. Confused, she turned back to the pan of cookies.

Only to see the gingerbread Gourry standing up staring at her.

Lina blinked. "Umm…" The sight of the cookie standing on its own confused her, but her rumbling stomach soon brought her back to the present. "C'MERE, COOKIE-MAN!"

"AHH!" Gourry screamed and hopped down from the pan and out the door.

"Hey!" Lina shouted after him. "Gourry! Come back here! "I'm not gonna hurt you! I'm just going to EAT YOU! Now get your gingerbread butt back here NOW!"

"Help!" Gourry cried, running as fast as his little gingerbread legs would carry him down the street and through the town.

"GOURRY!!"

Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune looked up from the Justice speech she was giving to a young thief she had caught stealing, whose face was currently an unhealthy shade of green. "Huh? That sounded like Miss Lina." She turned toward the street (while the young thief, grateful for the distraction, crawled away to hide) just in time to see the Gingerbread Gourry run by. "Huh? Mister _Gourry_?"

"HELP!"

"COME BACK HERE! IT WON'T HURT MUCH AFTER I BITE OFF YOUR HEAD!"

Amelia's eyes grew wide as she watched Lina chase Gourry down the street. "Poor Mister Gourry!" she said. "Miss Lina! While you may be starving, eating people is _wrong_! Especially your friends! It's cannibalistic and, besides that, it's _unjust_! And I, Amelia Wil Tesla Saillune, as a Champion of Justice, will not allow such a vile thing to take place! You, Miss Lina, shall… uh, Miss Lina? Hey!" She looked around only to find them gone. Then, in the distance, she heard the other sorceress's voice. "MISS LINA! COME BACK! I WASN'T FINISHED WITH MY SPEECH YET!" the young princess cried, taking off toward the voice.

Gourry was starting to panic. Ok, he had already been panicking, but now things were getting serious. He heard Amelia's voice behind him and willed his stubby gingerbread legs to run faster. "Oh, man! Now Amelia wants to eat me too?" Then he spotted a familiar blonde woman standing just up the street. "HELP!!"

Filia Ul Copt turned from the shop window to gaze up the street. "Mister Gourry! What on earth are you doing as a gingerbread man?"

"AHH! FILIA SAVE ME!"

"Huh?" Filia looked further up the street to see an enraged Lina rampaging toward her.

"COME BACK HERE, DOUGH-FOR-BRAINS!"

"AH! SHE'S GONNA EAT ME!" Gourry ran beneath Filia's skirt and clutched her ankle. "DON'T LET HER EAT ME!"

Filia's eyes grew wide with horror as her tail appeared from beneath her skirt. Her eye twitched twice before she let out a scream, heaving her mace from it's place on her garter. "HENTAI!"

Gourry's eyes grew wide and he took off down the street again. "HELP ME!"

~ Sometime later… ~

Zelgadis looked up from his sorcery book as a loud rumble like thunder approached him. He lifted one eyebrow as the gingerbread Gourry raced by, then the other as he watched Lina, Amelia, Filia, Sylphiel, Zangulus, Martina, and a large man yelling something about a "Miss Lala" chase him. He then rolled his eyes and sighed before taking a sip of coffee and turning back to his book. "Hmm… 'While talismans and other magical objects are often used as curse-breakers, research has shown that regular intakes of ginger can help to ward off many curses.' Ginger? Ginger_bread_?" Zelgadis's eyes widened at the concept. Slamming the book shut, he took off after the crowd.

"HEY, WAIT!" the waiter called after him. "YOU DIDN'T PAY YOUR BILL!"

Amelia blinked as a beige cloak passed by her eyes. "Huh? Mister Zelgadis?"

"Zel! Help me catch that cookie!" Lina demanded.

"I'll catch it. But when I do, _I'm_ eating it!"

"NO, MISTER ZELGADIS! YOU CAN'T!" Amelia sobbed.

"Poor Gourry-dear!" Sylphiel said.

"Oh, no you don't!" Lina said, grabbing the end of Zelgadis's cloak. Zelgadis, startled by the sudden weight shift behind him, tripped and fell face first into the street, whereupon he was trampled by the mob behind him. He groaned after a few moments. "No cure is worth this. There must be an easier…not to mention _safer_ way…"

"I do hope Mister Zelgadis is alright," Amelia said, glancing over her shoulder at the trampled chimera lying in the street.

"I'm sure he's fine!" Lina said absently. "GOURRY! YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Gourry looked over his shoulder to get an idea of how many people were after him. "Ahhh… when'd Lina get so tall?!?!?!" He wondered out loud as he ran from the massive crowd chasing him. "SOMEONE HELP ME!" he cried, closing his eyes and running blindly through the streets. Which is how he happened to run into Xellos. Literally.

"My, my, what have we here?" the Mazoku general-priest asked, picking up the cookie. "Why, it's a Gingerbread Gourry!"

"XELLOS! GIVE ME THAT COOKIE!" The petite sorceress proceeded to tackle the Mazoku priest while the rest of the group piled onto the fray. The confused mass gathered a fair-sized cloud of dust and quite a few spectators.

"Now, Now, Lina…"

"GOURRY! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL RIGHT NOW!"

"YOU CAN'T EAT MISTER GOURRY, MISS LINA! IT'S _UNJUST_!"

"EEP! HOW _DARE_ YOU TOUCH MY TAIL, YOU PIECE OF FILTH!"

"GIVE ME THAT COOKIE _NOW_! IT'S _MINE_!"

"WHAT? HE'S A _COOKIE_? A COOKIE CANNOT BE MY FIANCE!"

"OH, MISS LALA! LET ME TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ALL THIS!"

"HEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!"

When the dust finally settled, a large pile of creatures including four humans, one golden dragon and one Mazoku lay in the middle of the street. Lina Inverse stood triumphantly on top of the heap, the gingerbread Gourry in one hand. She grinned and held up her hand in a victory sign. "Yes! Victory!"

"Owww…" a swirly-eyed gingerbread Gourry said.

Just then, Lina's stomach growled loudly. "Man, all that running made me hungry." She looked at Gourry and smiled wickedly. "Let's see, what part should I eat first? Your LEGS so you can't RUN AWAY again?"

Gourry's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates.

"Or maybe your arms?"

"Uhhhhh… Lina? Are you really serious about this?"

Lina ignored him and continued to eye him critically. "I know," she said, snapping her fingers. "I'll just eat the head first!"

"Ah! Lina!" Gourry cried as Lina opened her mouth and prepared to bite off his head. "AHHHHHHH!!!"

"AHHHHHHH!!!!" Gourry sat up quickly, panting for breath. He looked around quickly to find himself in a dark forest, crickets chirruping serenely around him. He looked down quickly at his hands to find they were not made of gingerbread, but of his own flesh. "Whew! It was only a dream," he said, wiping his hand across his brow.

"GOURRY!"

"AHHH!!!!!" The blonde swordsman panicked at the sound of the voice. He turned around quickly only to have Lina's fist meet with his jaw.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP? YOU'RE GONNA WAKE THE WHOLE FOREST!"

"It seems the loudest one here is you, Lina," Zel said from his place by the fire, where he was keeping watch.

Lina growled incoherently at him.

"You yelled really loud, Mister Gourry," Amelia whimpered from her bedroll.

"Yes, are you alright, Gourry-dear?"

Gourry blinked and rubbed his jaw where Lina had punched him. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm ok. Just a nightmare."

"Must have been some nightmare," Zelgadis muttered, stoking their small campfire back to life.

"Yeah, well, there's gonna be a _worse_ nightmare happening right here if everyone doesn't SHUT UP and let me go to SLEEP!" Lina said, her anger rising.

"Goodnight everyone!" Amelia said quickly before laying back down.

Gourry lay down again as well, but found he couldn't get to sleep. Why did his legs hurt so much… and why was the scent of gingerbread hanging around him?

Well? What do you think? PLEASE R/R! Thanks! And stay tuned for Story 2: Lina and the Stupid-stock!


End file.
